MussoLOLen is Always Right! |

The Bloggers’ Choice Award of the Philippine Blog Awards is the only award given to a blog chosen by a bloggers’ votes. Apparently, the only way for your vote to count is for you to blog about it. Gah, I hate making things like these public knowledge but since there’s no way to go around it, I’ve cast my vote and my vote goes to….

MIKE VILLAR, RISING INTERNET STAR
(the same guy who brought you The Atrocities of Friendster series) *

I’m not voting for him because he’s my friend (to be perfectly honest, I rarely ever read my friends’ blogs). I’m not voting for him because his blog is “useful”, “educational”, “inspirational”, or “socially relevant” either (though his blog is hardly any of those things, I have to admit that a quick visit makes me feel a little bit better about my life and myself). Mike’s blog recounts a life of debauchery, girlfriend problems, anxiety attacks, and hangovers. This guy has some serious issues, both real and imagined, and that’s exactly why I love reading what he writes.

In an age where content is dominated more by the promotion of consumer goods than personal insight about life, Mike’s blog is one of the very few out there that retains the voyeuristic appeal of a personal blog. He rarely, if ever at all, writes about where he has his dinner, where he buys his polos, or the latest gadget he acquired (mostly because he’s always broke. Every time The Man Blog people go out for drinks, we have to pay for his beer). Instead, he shares with us the pains of daily living, mid-life crisis angst, his thoughts on Things That Matter. Mike’s blog is of a rare and dying sort.

Besides the content, what makes Mike’s blog superior to most (at least, in my opinion) is the quality of his writing. His entries are cleverly framed, appropriately paced, and contains a balanced mix of wit, sarcasm, crass sexual references, and irony. The best thing about Mike’s blog, however, is that it is funny. A lot of writing that contains self-deprecating humor still comes off as whiny because the joke just doesn’t quite hit its mark. Besides, you can kind of tell when the humor is employed to try to disguise the author’s true whiny bitch self. Mike’s blog isn’t like that at all. His self-deprecation is intelligent and effortless, and it works because you end up loving him for his flaws, in a really-cute-but-mangy-puppy-stuck-in-the-rain kind of way.

Oh, and I take back what I said about his blog being socially irrelevant. Every now and then, he does address important social issues, like substance abuse. Let me end this post with an excerpt from one of my favorite entries, A Post to Appease My Young Readers’ Parents (AKA the Fuck You Post).

Take it from someone who’s been sober and clean for over a year now (lie. I meant 2 days): a life of alcohol and drugs is nothing but one big clusterfuck. If you’re someone who hasn’t fucked with this shit before and intend to do so because you read on a rising internet star’s diary how totally boss is and how it makes you look cool and more fuckable in the eyes of the opposite sex; DON’T. Some of the drugs I’ve tried aren’t cool if you smoke too few or snort fewer than 5 lines, and if you get the low grade shit they sell in the side streets of Commonwealth avenue, it’s not worth it.

More importantly, if you’re an overweight, stressed 26 year old whose heart feels like it’s going to explode every time you engage yourself in physical activities that last longer than 3 minutes then you really REALLY should not fuck around with alcohol and drugs. If you do, you’re going to have a crazy, awkward night when you decide to drive yourself to a hospital emergency room at 2am on a Monday because you could’ve sworn you lost your hearing and part of your vision and think you’re going about to get a stroke and have the following conversation with the attending physician:

Physician: Sir, are you certain you’re having a stroke? Does your family have a history of heart disease or hypertension?

You: “Yes and yes”

Physician: “Have you done any drugs in the last 4 hours?”

You: [feigning a facial expression that looks somewhat offended] “What?! NO! OF COURSE NOT!”

Physician: [Suspicious. Taking notes] “Are you certain sir?”

You: [Raising hands in the sheer “ridiculousness” of it all] “Of course I’m certain! Why are you asking me all these questions?”

Physician: “So, if I were to collect urine from you and run a drug test on it, the results would be negative right?”

You: [Realizing that the game is over] “Well–you know what? You’re right. I’m high as a kite. You’re not like required to call the police or anything are you?”

Physician: “No, but I suggest you call a relative to pick you up. I don’t think you’re fit to drive.”

You: “Okay, let me call King Arthur”

* Disclaimer: Mike paid me to vote for him, and I needed the money.**
** Just kidding. He didn’t pay me to do this. Really.

The Philippine Blog Awards is sponsored by:
Level Up! Games
Nokia
Blog Bank
Smart Communications
Josiah’s Catering
Rsun Technology Store
Yahoo
XFM 92.3
Buddy Gancencia Reality TV
Ultravision Photo and Video
Click Booth
Aloha Board Sports
Sheero Media Solutions
YourPinoyBroker.com
Belo Medical Group
Inquirer.Net
Toshiba
ROAM Magazine
PLDT
Red Box
Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf

Because I needed something to fill the gap of your absence, I typed your name on the Google search bar and waited for the search results to appear in five…four…three…two…one. Dangerous territory. I half-hoped half-feared that a Google search of your name would yield a blog your goldfish memory might have forgotten about. A blog filled with old pictures of you and entries that might yield more insight on the way you think and view the world (which was exactly what I wanted to find), or a declaration of love for the woman in your life a year or two ago (which was what the eternally irrationally jealous part of me was afraid of finding).

Instead, I find that you are a forty-year old fashion photographer based in Rome. Your Linked In profile says you are a General Financial Supervisor at the Ferrabraz-Becker Group and that you graduated from a university in Brazil. You have also worked with John Malkovich in the 1991 film The Object of Beauty.

I went through pages and pages of search results and kept seeing your name minus the traces of the you that I know.

The internet has it all wrong. You have a film camera in your room somewhere that you haven’t used in years. You’re a linguistics major who graduated from the University of Milan and you wrote a 65-page thesis on the pidgins and creoles of (insert north African country whose name I can’t remember here – but I do remember that if you had had more time, you would have flown over to north Africa yourself to get your sample from the native pidgin speakers instead of interviewing every black immigrant you stopped on the street). You’d sooner become a right wing party member than get a career in finance (or maybe it’s the other way around – either way, I can’t imagine you in a suit and tie). You watch movies with your parents every night but you’ve never expressed the desire to make them. I do know that sometimes, you wish you had gone to med school instead.

My knowledge of you versus the world’s largest repository of information. I’m better off sleeping your absence away.

Technically I’m not 22 yet since I was born at around 6 pm, but that didn’t stop the birfday luff from piling up. I spent the last hours of my 21st year pigging out at Mr. Kabab with Anne, Bim, Fritz, and Ade, then everyone except Ade stayed with me til past midnight. Spent the morning alternating between sleeping and spending time with Ale, and right now I’m alternating between watching him sleep and admiring all the lovely presents I got because I don’t feel like doing anything productive.

Everyone at The Man Blog sent me birthday greetings a day early, but Ade and Baddie win at the most awesome birthday presents ever.

Don Adriano de Maraña y Defibrillator Nom Nom Nom

So yeah, advance happy birthday! For your birthday, I give you:

Señor Unibrow the Turd

Happy birthday, LOLen! I know Ade already gave you an Alodia doll, but I’m giving you another so you can make them kiss each other.

La Puta Madre Hohobag

SQUEEEEEEE! Oh. My. God. How did you know that I was Alodia’s NUMBER ONE FAN? Did it have something to do with this thread I started, which you guys had to lock because the lolz got lamer and lamer? The thread about the ONLY existing Alodia figurine in the world? The one that sold for the absolutely reasonable price of Php 12,000? And you guys got me TWO of them! So sweet! I don’t even want to think about how you guys are probably going to die from the lack of food or beer or both within the month because now you don’t have money left for anything else. But that just shows how much you love me and my frivolous endeavors, rite? You guys are the bestest. Mwahugz.

Ahh, fun tiems at The Man Blog forums.

I was supposed to get a trip to Hong Kong from my parents but my travel buddy couldn’t make it, so I guess I’m not opening presents from them today. But that’s all right when I’m getting free rent, electricity, food, and tuition from them for the next two years. Not to mention a birthday dinner tonight and a party on Saturday!

Yep, I’m feeling teh luff. <3