On Facial Piercings, Filipino Parents, and Society
Posted by Lauren | Under Filipino Culture, Tattoos and Piercings with 21,337 views Wednesday Jan 9, 2008It’s true what they say – once you get bitten by the piercing bug, you’re going to want more. And more. Until your body resembles a pincushion and most of genteel society avoids you like the leper in Jerusalem during whatever year Jesus was born.
It’s been over a year since I got my eyebrow pierced, and exactly a year since I got my inverse navel done. In between that time period I got an industrial piercing that semi-freaked out my mom (and which she made me remove after its refusal to heal in three months), and a tongue piercing that REALLY freaked out my parents. I didn’t intend to tell them about the tongue because I knew I could have gotten away with hiding it from them. But despite how “scary” I look with metal through my eyebrow I’m really quite a nice daughter, so I let them know that I had metal through my tongue. I expected them to chalk it up to pre-graduation jitters like they did with my eyebrow but nooo. It got so bad that my mom stormed into my dorm room the next day to give me a lengthy lecture on why a tongue piercing unhealthy and unpleasant and overall bad. When I insisted on taking my chances on the health risks, she told me that my dad refused to see or talk to me until I remove my tongue piercing.
I took out the barbel the next day.
I’ve been itching to get something new on my face as a way to mark the new year, so I asked my mom if I can has a side lip piercing. Unsurprisingly, she said no, but I wasn’t about to drop the issue without a fight. When I asked her why not, she gave me the following reasons:
If I get another facial piercing I will be avoided like the lepers in Jerusalem during whatever year Jesus was born.
“Facial piercings will attract weirdos and will drive decent people away,” my mom said. I argued that I’ve been a weirdo magnet even before I became a pincushion. As for “decent people”? Bah, “decent people” are quick to judge. Just because I have facial piercings doesn’t mean that I spend my spare time shooting heroin and doing everything that moves. I’m willing to bet a lot of money that I’m probably more moral, honest, and generous than all those goody-two-shoes type boys and girls who go to church every Sunday. Besides, if I ever decide to sell my soul to the materialist corporate world again, I can just get rid of the piercing before the job interview.
She does have a fairly valid point though. Assuming that I had a boyfriend who comes from a conservative family, he’d probably dread the day where I have to meet his parents. (Which is not to say that I’d allow myself to end up with someone who’d be ashamed to introduce me to his parents. I’d skewer his nuts with the barbel I used for my tongue piercing before he could ever get ashamed of me.) Girls who have lip piercings aren’t really the type you can take home to mom. Traditional Filipino parents like those girls who are meek like mice and who can’t live their own lives because their own parents won’t allow them to do what they want. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I weren’t my mom’s kid, she’d probably tell her children – especially the sons – to stay far far away from me as possible.
“I just don’t like the way people will treat you if you get any more piercings,” my mom explained.
Silence as I imagined all the looks women and little old church ladies will throw at me if I add more metal to my face. That look of horror mixed with disgust and curiosity as to what would drive such a pretty girl to “ruin her face” like that.
Everyone will think that my parents are bad parents.
“Trust me, it will break our hearts to see you with a lip piercing,” my mom said.
Nothing makes me give in and shut up like the guilt card.
“Not to mention the gossip that we are bad parents,” she added.
I couldn’t think of anything to say.
I’m not sure why old school Filipinos would come to the conclusion that whatever I do with my life is a reflection of how well (or how badly) my parents raised me. Maybe it’s our close family ties and the big say parents have over their childrens’ lives, even when their children are old enough to think for themselves. Maybe Filipinos still believe the Freudian theory that all adult neuroses are caused by parenting mistakes. In any case, I’d hate for anyone to think that I turned out “wrong” because my parents dropped me on the head as a baby.
Of all the bullshit things to teach children about life, none is more false than “It’s your inner beauty that counts.” Whether we like it or not, people will judge us by our appearances and will judge us harshly when we deliberately choose to cross the line between what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Even the West hasn’t gotten rid of stereotype that people who have piercings and tattoos are criminals or mentally unsound. I was slightly offended when a friend from the US thought I grew up a lot because I hadn’t gotten a weird hair color or a new piercing in months. (Since when was wanting to experiment with the way you look a sign of immaturity?) I’d probably get a lot worse than that from people here if I get any more metal on my face.
The thing is, it’s easy for me to be zen about the weird looks from strangers and the inevitable “What have you done to yourself? Bakit mo sinira mukha mo?” from conservative relatives. I really couldn’t care less about what other people think of the way I choose to look. What I do care about is preserving my relationships with the people who matter and making sure I do nothing to damage what we have. My relationship with my parents included. While I’d never allow my parents to make important life decisions for me, like what career path to take or who to marry, they can have their way with the little things. And if never getting another piercing makes them happy – well, so be it.
I still maintain that a lip piercing gives me 1,000 hotness points though.
“Perhaps in twenty years, Filipinos will become more progressive and open-minded about piercings,” my mom said, as though trying to make me feel better.
“Fine,” I grumbled. “I’ll get another facial piercing when I turn forty. At that age, I’m pretty sure nobody’s going to think I got my lip pierced because you toilet-trained me the wrong way or whatever.”
“Go ahead. But you’ll probably have your own kids by then, who’ll police you and ask you to stop trying to act like a teenager by getting all these facial piercings.”
Bah.
lol.
(a thought: if God had a mom, he wouldn’t be all-powerful.)
(oh, and i think tattoos — the right sort and location — are far more “hotness” than piercings, but that’s just me.)
you write beautiful posts that crack me up and totally hit home. for the record, i have wanted the very same piercing. i think they’re mad hot. just… hot. on women. except, that is… that i have this fear of piercings. lol. what contradictory sides i have.
my mom has often used similar arguments with me. she’s lucky i haven’t the nerve for a tattoo or a piercing no matter how badly i want them – not because of society or what she says. i am just a chicken, plain and simple. but on similar arguments, i tell her that she can’t let everyone outside her dictate what it means to be a good mother. i tell her that i know she’s a good mother and those who would think otherwise just don’t know her well enough for her to care about. and if she pushes, i tell her that it’s her decision if she wants to live life this way, but i will not. with love. lots of love. of course.
yeah,
they are alright!..
I asked my mom if i could get the same one done…she said no like usual so I just went ahead and done it my self!…haha
yep thats what i am gonna do tonight when the ass holes are asleep and just take it out around them but its retarded my parents think facial piercings mean your lesbian or gay or bi or some homality thing well they dont know shit so screw em ima move out nyway
You can also argue that piercings are part of our indigenous pre-Filipino culture.
hahaha… how about in the nose?
well i live in u.s. and i got an eyebrow piercing about a week ago. i think piercins are hott too!!
i don’t care what people say though, cuz it’s my face not theirs.
i can understand what your sayin though about how decent people get scared away. everyone judges me instead of trying to understand me. but it’s whatever.
Lauren good to read a new entry on ur blog after nearly a month since “checkmate”. Happy 2008, and FYI this is the funniest entry I’ve ever read on ur blog
I’ve a labret piercing and it feels great, yet I feel slightly guilty every time my Dad facing me with almost-disgust on his face whenever he see my labret. I never discuss my piercings habit with them, i just done it. It was my mistake, and I truly honored you because you talk bout it with ur parents (ur Mom especially!). Don’t feel too bad with their judgement on your-going-to-b-snakesbite coz they just tryin to protect you 
and your mark : “Girls who have lip piercings aren’t really the type you can take home to mom” is so true. In my third-world country (Indonesia) people on streets just look away everytime they notice my piercings.
But hey, maybe you can do another piercing… what about nostril?
you got your tongue pierced already!!?? dorm room? I got away with my tongue ring cus I used a barbel that has semi transparent locks, so when I talk you really dont notice it, as opposed to the shiny surgical steel ones.
I bumped into your blog on accident when I was looking up info for my Jaguar Bass and Jaguar Guitar. Took a look around and I gotta say your blog is like a horrible car wreck and I’ve been trying to drop your random blogs for the past five days. I’ll rehab off it soon…i hope.
Lauren: Ok. A tattoo, then?
Your mom is teh win. LOLOLZ
The piercings sound interesting, but I can understand your mom’s concern. Even I won’t encourage you to go through with the other facial piercings, since it might affect your chances at relationships, work, etc and might attract the wrong type of people.
I get away with being a little weird and having blue hair because I’m a lot older than you, I work in a non-corporate environment, and I live in Tondo. You seem to be surrounded my more conservative and traditional folks tho.
They have to be GOOD tattoos though. Wonky ones are a major turn-off.
Aww, I think you should try to get a piercing anyway! As with anything new they’re only frightening and overwhelming before you actually do it but once the needle goes through your skin and the pain subsides–it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.
I don’t think that argument will work on them.
FYI this is the funniest entry I’ve ever read on ur blog
Really? Thanks!
It’s funny how Asians are a lot more conservative about piercings and tattoos when indigenous tribes covered themselves with ink as a status symbol. I wanted to get a nostril piercing too but even that was too much for my parents.
Yep, in college! And no, I didn’t get it done in my dorm room.
Thanks for the tip tho. 
I tried bringing up my full backpiece idea to my mom (a pair of black wings). She made a lot of drama about how I should never get a tattoo so big for as long as she’s alive.
My parents aren’t as conservative as others and they let me get away with a lot. They do have to draw the line somewhere, so I can understand that.
The way I see it though – if people pass judgments on me because of the way I choose to look, then they’re not people that are worth any of my time. So it’s no real loss if I can’t be friends with certain people or get into a relationship with certain guys because of my piercings.
Wow I somehow stumbled onto your blog and I loove it. My parents sound just like yours! I got a cartilage piercing and they didn’t like it… but luckily they didn’t make a HUGE fuss over it. I think as long as I don’t get any facial piercings they won’t mind. I’m really tempted to get a nose piercing though.
hey… im half filo.. my mom is from makati and my dad is from austria.. but i was born and raised in LA.. and im 16
my mom never liked my piercings… and surprisingly my dad hated them more… my mom was always nice about it and i know deep down she wants them gone but she jokes around with them..
i have 2 lip rings and a septum and a bridge… on my face.. xD
and i also stretched my ears and i have an industrial (btw.. they take 1 year to heal max.. so u shouldntve taken it out too soon ^^)
when i get piercings they get pissed off for a week max bt they learn to live with it.. thats how filos are in general.. so id say if u want more piercings.. go for it. like me.. and iff ppl on the street judge u for ur looks.. THEYRE the assholes…
if u want to contact me or see my pics… heres my myspace account
http://www.myspace.com/salem_maggot
i dont know what u guys are chatting about but the lauren girl is soooooooooooooooooo beoutifull! stop posting pics of urself; it makes other girls look less interesting. LOLOl
you made me laught through/out your story.. very well written i mean to say
i thiink liprings are cool especially one on the lowerlip to the side 
p.s. (dont want to sound pervy or anything)
but are youre eyes naturally blue… i mean because youre phillepino (no offense)
hey i juss stumbled apon ur payge when i was loking up something else. id have to say ur blog is pretty interees ting n so true .:).
id have to say tho lip ring is really hot!.on women tho .
well since im commenting i thot i take the opportunity n ask how bout a blog of what u think about people being gay?. n how the society acts upon that today.
n i kno filipino parents rnt b as harsh about it than others.
Hey! i also came across your blog when looking at lip piercings. I just got mine done today! Its amazing how almost EVERYTHING you just said is what i heard a few weeks ago when i told my parents i was gettin it done. Dad begged me not but suprisingly, my mum was seemingly ok with it “do what you want, its your body – but i think its going to look DISGUSTING” (trying to scare me out of doing it) In the end, i won with the argument “i’l take it out when i start a fulltime job,i wont wear it around conservative relatives etc” (since i do understand that they will judge, no matter how genuine of a person i am on the inside – you cant blame people, thats how the world operates) Oh and im 21 now, so my parents know that they cant stop me from doing anything i want with my body.
I think they thought that i wasnt actually going to go through with it because of how quickly they gave in.
Anyway i was freaking out when i walked through the door today, since the stud is pretty large, but suprisingly, they didnt say much at all. Dad doesn’t like it but mum defended me with “oh its really not that bad”. (and keeps stopping me when i walk past to get a better look at it, lol) The whole experience has given me much respect for my parents. All that really matters is what they think of me and my piercing and that they have accepted (Plus im an indian girl, and our culture is pretty strict against all those kind of things, so it was a big shock that they havent dis owned me or anything!) But big Ups to you for respecting your parents strong opinion and taking your tounge stud out.
ps. – with the whole bf thing – Im actually GLAD it will fend some guys off, i love being single! My ex bf never would have liked me in a million years with a facial piercing, and now having left him and gotten one, it kinda makes me feel a little powerful, if that makes any sense at all..
Anyway, you hav an awesome blog..keep it up!
And i will stop there haha. x
hey i just got my tongue pierced nd im filo to i know exactly how it is…nevr judge a book by its cover,right!!
I had my tongue pierced, but last night my mom saw it and made me remove it. I was dead crying the whole night for what she made me do. She got so mad, and so as my dad. I had been scolded the whole night and the worst thing is, my dad wants me to stop going to school and just stay at home just for that. I didn’t try to reason as to why I decided to have it since it’ll just make things worst. The hole in my tongue is not there anymore and I’m so sad. I can’t understand why people especially parents can’t see the good side of piercings. I didn’t steal or killed somebody, i just had my tongue pierced. if ever I become a parent and my kid wants to have a piercing or a tattoo, I’ll say yes. It’s what they want and we live our lives once and there’s no reason to pass out the experience and the feeling of being able to decide to do something you badly want.
Debbies last blog post..Eto na yung mangyayari satin, inaabangan natin ‘to diba?
my mom wont let me get my lip pierced till in 16.
tomorrow im gunan get my heliz pierced.
omg, we have similar experiences. i also pierced my tongue and my mom flippppped, threatened to kick me out, dramatic much??? yes. my dad was cool with it though, weird, i know. so i took mine out the other day sadly. im also itching for another and i want to pierce my lip but i dont know how to go about telling my mom that i want to, i dont want to ruin our relationship…… so for now i wont, but i still want it badly!!!
I can so relate to what you’re going through. Ive asked my parents if i can get my lip, tragus and conch pierced and my dad flipped out on me, especially after i said “i can do what i want….its my body”. :S I currently only have my nose pierced and some ear piercings, which my dad doesnt like either. I am ADDICTED to piercings and am still going to ask again, because I think the lip piercing looks so amazing if you wear a small stud ><