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I’m really not sure what compelled me to walk up to my ex when I spotted him at the area where I usually wait for my next class. Maybe it’s because I knew that a confrontation was inevitable (we go to the same school). Maybe it’s because my ex angst is getting old and I’m tired of being angry at him. Maybe it’s because it’s almost Christmas, and at Christmas you tell the truth.

Whatever my reasons were, I tapped on his shoulder and asked for a light. He looked startled to see me standing there, using his lighter while making small talk as though he were an old college classmate instead of the person I loved for two and a half years and an asswipe I loathed for a year up until today.

Of course, my hands were shaking the entire time.

I always imagined that our first conversation after our falling out wouldn’t be so much a conversation as me ripping his throat open with my trimmed fingernails. I had a little speech written in my head that I would rehearse when I had nothing better to occupy my mind with. I imagined that he would walk away before I could even utter a word, or that I’d burst into tears in the middle of talking and I wouldn’t be able to stop because I’d be too overwhelmed with anger, or sadness, or both. But life never works out the way you imagine it would.

The whole conversation went amazingly well. No dramatic scenes, no angry outbursts, nothing of the sort. My anger disappeared like curlicues of cigarette smoke in the wind. As we discussed what we’ve been up to and what went wrong in our relationship, it occurred to me that none of this felt particularly strange. True, making peace with my ex wasn’t exactly at the top of today’s To-Do List (and I must admit I’m still slightly in shock because I always thought I’d hate him forever). But once the moment was there, it was all routine and old habits. Switching into my old speech patterns was almost automatic, and talking to him was a very comfortable feeling that I’ve missed. He is one of those few people who can make every conversation sound like something out of a blockbuster epic trilogy.

Me: I thought you hated me.
Him: How could I hate you for being human?
Me: We lived like demi-gods back then.
Him: I still think I’m a demi-god.
Me: I’ve long accepted the fact that I’m human. And I’m perfectly fine with it.

And before I left for class:

Him: You have one up on me.
Me: Really? What’s that?
Him: You have an unending capacity to feel.

I realized something else too. In life, you will encounter many people. Some are only around for a fun interlude; you’ll barely notice when they come and go. Some of them are worth fighting tooth and nail to keep. Some of them do an unforgivable thing, or a series of unforgivable things, that may or may not scar you for the rest of your life. Most of those people are not worth talking to ever again, but there are some who deserve a second chance. Thou shalt not forget the people who helped shape who you are.

Time can only tell if we’ll be real friends or if we’ll only acknowledge the other’s existence with a wave or a nod. Whatever happens from this point onwards doesn’t really matter much. The important thing is that I can finally put the last three years of my life back in its rightful resting place, without having to worry about revenants when the karmic cycle of life makes random things random happenly.