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Life can be unbearable sometimes but I live for these rare happy moments. The ones where it feels as though nothing can go wrong even though the things that you’d normally be upset about are still left hanging in the air. Like the fact that the boy you really really really like gave an ambiguously absent answer when you finally mustered up the courage to ask him out. Or the discovery that a college acquaintance (and former major crush) suddenly died last Saturday, an evening where you felt very much alive and very much immortal.

There was nothing particularly unusual that happened this evening either. We had the usual conversations we have after work, the same passionate discussions on music and movies, the same neurotic ramblings about how men suck and how they’re totally missing out on a really wonderful girl here. Despite that, tonight felt exactly like how I imagined life should be. Shit still happens, the existential angst is unresolved, the guilty gets to walk away, the future remains uncertain. Yet none of those matter as much as they used to. Because there are good things to look forward to, and good people you can believe in when it seems as though your ideals are incompatible with the reality you have to deal with everyday.

Tonight, the world felt like a place I can live in. I’d like to wish for everyday to turn out like tonight but that would be silly. To quote the movie Heathers, “If you were happy every single day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being. You’d be a game show host.” Being alive is about getting your highs and plummeting down. But it’s the fall, the crash, and the effort you make to scramble back to the top that makes moments like these really beautiful.