My Ideal Guy

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Last night I attended a Dado family dinner at a fancy-schmancy Spanish restaurant because one of my aunts is getting married to a chef from Tuscany. At the gathering, half of my female relatives were telling me to have fun while I’m still single; the other half joked about how I’m probably going to get married next. Hah! I can’t really blame them for thinking that because the last time I attended a Dado family wedding, I caught the bouquet. I was twelve years old.

So all that talk about marriage reminded me of this meme Aileen tagged me to do. Eight traits my ideal guy should have, off the top of my head:

1) Good-looking and attractive enough to make me want to make babies with him. Contrary to what a lot of people say, looks are very important. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with one person, he might as well be eye candy.

2) Emotionally stable. I don’t want someone who’s depressed and who still cries about how his father didn’t make it to his kindergarten graduation ceremony. I tend to become emotionally volatile and I need someone who’s calm, rational, and sane to balance me out.

3) Intelligent and articulate. I don’t just want someone I can mate and procreate with. I need to be able to talk to him too. :P An intellectual connection is essential.

4) Artistic tendencies. People who aren’t creative are the most boring people on earth. But I don’t want somebody who’s all temperamental and angsty, either. My ideal guy can either play an instrument, write, sing, paint, make movies, sculpt, or blow glass without being such an artist about what he does.

5) Faithful. Words cannot stress how important this is to me. I have a jealous streak and the notion that I’m not the most important woman in his life would just kill me. My ideal guy might check out other women every now and then, but he never chases skirts. Ultimately he considers me a goddess among girls and he wouldn’t even think of sleeping with someone else.

6) Honest. I think the root of a lot of problems in relationships–and even with friendships, actually–is that both people involved can’t bring themselves to be completely honest with each other. I can’t stand being lied to. My ideal guy has the balls to call out my mistakes and let me know if I’m doing something that hurt him. If there are problems in the relationship, we talk about it as rationally as possible. Also, if he no longer loves me, he flat-out tells me instead of faking it and keeping a 19-year old college chick as a mistress or something.

7) What is the opposite of chauvinist? Well whatever that is, my ideal guy is it. Nothing screams “Tiny penis!” louder than guys who act like alpha-male assholes.

8) Enjoys doing the dishes. Washing the dishes is my least favorite chore in the whole world. Cooking takes effort, and the only proper way to thank me is to clean up after. Unless of course he’s a better cook than me; then I’ll try not to look at the clumps of food that gather up on the kitchen sink drain when I do the dishes.

Don’t get me wrong though. I’m definitely in no hurry to get married or to even be in a serious relationship. It’ll happen when it happens and I highly doubt it’ll happen anytime soon, simply because I’m not ready for it (and because no sane guy ever gets attracted to me :P). Although if I happen to find the ideal guy by some miracle, I will ditch everything and go for him. Decent guys are a dying species these days.

It’s really not like me to be so optimistic about love or whatever, so I shall add a dash of cynicism to this entry and end it with yet another poem by Dorothy Parker.

Men I Am Not Married To

No matter where my route may lie,
No matter wither I repair,
In brief – no matter how or why
Or when I go, the boys are there.
On lane and byways, street and square,
On alley, path and avenue
They seem to spring up anywhere
The men I am not married to

I watch them as they pass me by;
At each in wonderment I stare,
And, “But for heaven’s grace,” I cry
“There goesthe guy whose name I’d wear!”
They represent no species rare
They walk and talk as others do
They’re fair to see – but only fair –
The men I am not married to

I’m sure that to a mother’s eye
Is each potentially a bear
But though at home they rank ace high,
No change of heart I could declare.
Yet worry silvers not their hair;
They deck them not with sprigs of rue.
It’s curious how they do not care –
The men I am not married to

L’Envoi
In fact, if they’d a chance to share
Their lot with me, a lifetime through,
they’d doubtless tender me the air-
The men I am not married to

9 thoughts on “My Ideal Guy

  1. Getting a guy that can meet all the requirements that you have stated above would be next to impossible. That is because you are looking for an “ideal” type of guy. In the end, you may end up with someone who only has half of them or none of them at all. Love really is a mystery.

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