MussoLOLen is Always Right! |

Out of all the crazy niches in the internet porn industry, it’s not the beastiality nor the 50-year old gangbangs that makes me want to rip my eyeballs out of my skull and donate them to some poor blind kid. If I have to I can probably stomach scat and necrophelia. Of course, I wouldn’t eat for days and I’ll get creeped out for more reasons than one every time I attend a funeral. But those are just peanuts. What I really can’t bear to look at is teen porn.

Despite the fucked-up things I’ve seen and the cool been-there-done-that front I put on when I want people to think that I’m awesome, I still haven’t lost the capacity to get shocked and disgusted. And nothing appalls me more than this. I find teen porn particularly unsettling because my constructed notion of female porn stars is that they have eyeliner eyebrows and plastic surgery breasts. They look like the kind of girls who’d pretty much screw any horny guys that go their way, so it’s no wonder they’re in the porn industry. But the girls in the teen porn niche look like white versions of my 16-year old cousins. Hell, they look like white versions of me when I still looked like a wholesome teenager. I felt a little bile come up my throat when I came across these websites of twin teenagers doing all sorts of interesting things with their hands and mouths. Which of course made all sorts of horrible imagery pop up in my head when I started thinking along the lines of, “Oh god, if my sister and I were internet porn stars together…” *shudder*

I got hit so hard by this because I was once an eighteen-year old girl who thought she knew it all. I thought I knew exactly how my life would turn out. I was so convinced that I would marry a guy who never let me have my own friends and who’d freak out if other guys so much as breathed in my direction. Yeah that just goes to show my perfect judgment and the intelligent life decisions I had for myself at that age. These girls probably think that they’re going to be porn superstars, and they’re willing to let guys cum on their faces and do all sorts of degrading things in order to get that big break. But all industries kill those who don’t make it to the top, and I can just imagine how psychologically damaging it would be for an amateur teen porn model to fail. Who’d take you seriously if people found out you used to do porn? What kind of decent guy would marry a woman who fucked twenty guys all at once and never even knew their names? Or saw their faces properly? I know I wouldn’t.

My stand on pornography has always been somewhat positive. I wouldn’t exactly pimp DVD porno movies on the streets or anything like that but I figure that as long as the act is consensual and the actors receive all the payment and benefits that are promised to them, go fuck for the camera for all I care. I’m starting to rethink that though. Just because you’re eighteen and you’re allowed to vote and own properties and do other legal things, it doesn’t mean that you’re smart. It doesn’t mean that you’re emotionally mature enough to handle all the shit life throws at you. It doesn’t mean that you’ll be able to live with the fact that when you were once young and stupid, you were an internet porn star. Hell, I can’t even live with some of the stuff I did before and those weren’t even anywhere near as scandalous as this.

So now that I’ve successfully depressed myself this morning, I think I’ll go out for a long break to clear my head and neuroticize before getting back to work.