The Two Types
Posted by Lauren | Under Adventures in the Modern Dating World, Personal Neuroticisms with 298 views Thursday May 10, 2007There are two type of guys that I find myself attracted to.
The first type of guy is the Brooding Artist. I happen to be a huge sucker for them, but I’m betting it’s because they’re the only type of guys that move in all my social circles. Despite that, I am hopelessly drawn to them. How can I not melt at the sight of that messy-haired boy, smoking his cigarette with long tapered fingers while he sits and broods about the state of the world? The Brooding Artist is an amazingly intelligent and creative individual who can play a thousand instruments while razzle-dazzling me with trivia about my favorite authors or bands. He has a taste for obscure indie films and anime and he burns me DVDs of his favorites labelled with “Must see before dying!” in thick, black ink. The Brooding Artist and I can stay up until dawn, talking passionately about philosophy, love, and life. He makes me fall in love with his words.
Though he might know a lot about the aesthetic and metaphysical, the Brooding Artist’s intelligence drops down to a zero when it comes to his personal life. Wherever he goes, he leaves behind a trail of weeping, brokenhearted little girls and furious knife-wielding women, thirsty for his blood. Sometimes he does this intentionally. Sometimes he doesn’t.
He tells me about his past, of course, because we talk about everything. I’m not stupid enough to fall for someone with such a crazy history. But I love the Brooding Artist anyway because he’s just as spontaneous, insane, and dangerous as I am. “Let’s look for sushi, I’m starving,” I’ll tell him. “Only if we can go out of town after,” he replies. “Right now? Sure, let’s go!” He understands that it takes a tremendous amount of effort to go out in the world and pretend like you’re not about to fall apart by the seams. It’s a struggle he has to go through every day as well. He says the right things to make me get out of bed each morning and to keep myself going, going, going. But when it’s his turn under the bell jar he falls silent, withdraws into himself, and I’m left standing outside unable to do a thing.
The next type of guy is the Normal Guy. I have nothing to say to him and he has nothing to say to me because we’re both so different. The Normal Guy is about as normal and mainstream as you can get. He’s got a few skeletons in his closet, but nothing as scandalous as the bones hidden in the crypt of the Brooding Artist. He doesn’t understand the way I think and why I do the things I do. I don’t understand how he can never once dare defy society’s norms and do the unconventional.
He likes hip-hop; I like good old-fashioned rock. But we both love to dance. In the middle of the dance floor, with the beat of the bass pounding through our bodies, it feels like we’ve been doing this dance all our lives.
The Normal Guy is the man I will marry. He is interesting and intelligent without being insane. His moods are steady and his mind is clear, and that helps me stay calm and steady more than pretty words ever could. I know I’ll function well with him backing me up because he will be that one consistent, predictable factor that I desperately need in my otherwise chaotic life. Like that song by Oasis says, “Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me.”
The Normal Guy will never understand me, of course. He’ll never understand the thoughts that race through my head when I go quiet. He’ll never know what to say to make me feel better. It will be a little unfair to him, I think. But for his sake and mine, I’ll do my best to keep from snapping.
I met a Normal Guy last night, which is why I’m writing this silly entry. I’m not sure if I’m falling in love with him or if it’s just a very deadly crush. Either way, I’m pretty fucking doomed. I don’t know if my existence registers a blip on his radar and if anything I said to him made the smallest imprint on his memory. For some reason, it doesn’t seem to matter. I will see him tonight. I will see him tomorrow. Or maybe the day after. I haven’t felt so eager and excited about seeing anyone in the longest time.
i used to be brooding artist and became normal guy along the way. my wife is superachiever (lawyer, mba, military credentials…). i have this theory that she was attracted to the brooding artist that was (his ghost still shows up from time to time), and is reassured by normal guy.
let’s give some detail: i am a lit major/philo minor who wrote silly poems that somehow got published (to my mixed pride/horror), and was a teacher of lit classes for 2 years. now i’m a manager of an investment and holdings company, making decent wages. i’m 30 years old, my wife is turning 32. no kids until next year (extended honeymoon muna
back in college she probably wouldn’t want anything to do with me.
i think some brooding artists just grow up. though i know of a few that didn’t, and it’s sad in a way. but i don’t think you want to be there when the growing up happens - because it’s messy, hurtful, and humiliating.
have fun, date. rock. in 5-6 years you’ll met artists who are done with their brooding, still in love with their trivia, anime, eastern european novels, umberto eco… and a whole lot of space for you.
thanks for posting this, i’ve been thinking of my wife and how we ended up together, and your writing framed the context quite well.
think some brooding artists just grow up. though i know of a few that didn’t, and it’s sad in a way. but i don’t think you want to be there when the growing up happens - because it’s messy, hurtful, and humiliating.
Oh wow, that makes so much sense. I think the brooding artists I’ve been dating are still in that growing up stage. Or maybe they’ll be like that for the rest of their lives. In any case, I really don’t want to stick around and wait for them to grow up! I did that once and I was a wreck for weeks; in my naivety I thought I could change him. But now I know better.
I think I’m quite the brooding artist myself and hopefully I’ll grow out of my angst sometime soon. I really do pity whoever is interested in me right now, I’m quite a mess.
Beautiful ironies of life. I used to believe I wanted an artist guy who can play the guitar, whom I can share same drama, or can appreciate poetry, etc. We shared the similarities for four years but it’s just didn’t work out right. A normal guy came and surprisingly he makes me happy and I’m loving him more each day. Life indeed is full of opposites that complement each other just like happy and sad, as well as give and take.
Goodluck, you have my best wishes
The same thing happens to me. I would consider myself normal… or more like pseudonormal, but I always find myself attracted to someone who’s the complete opposite of me. From time to time though, I look for the normal or pseudonormal who would get me right away. I’ve dated both type, but to this day I still have no idea which type would make sense with me.
Like the other person said, have fun Lauren and hope things work out for you
The crush stage is the best.
Hi lauren~
I don’t think you will really outgrow being a brooding artist type. One cannot be truly passionate about art without living and breathing it. what you (and I) will learn, I think, is to compromise and keep it in the backs of our minds. I myself will no longer be able to attend art films. I won’t be reading Arendt and Heidegger now that I’ll be a law student. I’m just biding my time for LIFE- life with art and passion. that will only happen once I become financially independent.
as for the brooding artist type, I sure hope you’ll find your match who will be financially independent. I agree with ghostlightning. my problem with artists is that I always feel compelled to treat them even on dates because I think they had better SAVE their money for something more important- something that will benefit humanity… i don’t mind paying all the time for poor friends but I sure as hell won’t have a family with a man I’ll financially support!!!
*^__^*
on a lighter note, lauren (though this joke is rather half-meant): are you certain that Normal Guy is part of the human species?
Fredda said:
“I agree with ghostlightning. my problem with artists is that I always feel compelled to treat them even on dates because I think they had better SAVE their money for something more important- something that will benefit humanity… i don’t mind paying all the time for poor friends but I sure as hell won’t have a family with a man I’ll financially support!!!”
i understand this sentiment. when i was 19 i went out with this girl who was an awesome brooding artist (still is?) but was also far better off than me financially. she treated me all the time as well.
but early on she let me know that if she had to choose between a brooding artist and someone who was well off, she would choose the latter. and she did choose someone like that at the time.
these days, when i make some money more than i don’t, i feel a natural sympathy for friends who have been stuck at their brooding artist phases and are struggling with life (now that they’re in their thirties and have children to support). i find it very difficult not to extend financial support - that could’ve been me. i really think so.
maybe people like me who have this affinity for people like this can, when (eventually) successful financially and do have superfluous money, create or support not-for-profit organizations that support artists.
just something to brood over.
Ever since you decided to be a writer, your blog posts have been awesome. I loved this one, so heartfelt and so true!
Good luck with the new job!
I am marrying a guy very much like ghostlightning next year though I always believed that I would somehow end up with someone “normal” like you indicated (read: also, boring). I can assure you that it’s very true what he says about people growing up an inevitably evolving into things that aren’t so obviously brooding and artistic or normal. I’m 28 now and I can tell you that when I was your age or when I was younger at 18, definitely there were no guys that existed on most of the levels that I knew would really make me happy. They were, essentially, all in the same boat I was of still evolving and figuring out where they were going and how they were going to get there. It gets better though. It definitely gets better.
I can tell you that, honestly, I never believed that I would find a guy like the one I’ve found. It really and truly happened though when I stopped occupying myself with worrying whether it happen or not or when it would happen or not or what I might end up with instead. It also happened when I stopped focusing on what he was instead of all of the things that he’s not because what I realized was that for the longest time having convinced myself that a person like him couldn’t even exist, I probably would have picked him apart and made him NOT exist if I had let myself do so.
So who knows? This Normal Guy you’ve found mind end up having a bit of the brooding artist that you so love inside of himself. He might just not be showing it to just anyone though because he was waiting for someone like you to come along - who was worth waiting for more than anyone else in the world.
you’ve just described my last 2 boyfriends! only, i was with the normal guy first and the brooding artist after. sigh