Screw nationalism
Posted by Lauren | Under Filipino Culture with 2,150 views Thursday Apr 5, 2007A conversation I had with a friend tonight gave me an opportunity to find the words to explain why I desperately want to leave this country in the quickest way possible. I don’t care where I end up, or how I get there. I just want out.
I cannot stand Philippine society. I cannot stand how strong class discrimination is and the fact that norms that operate within those classes exist and will continue to exist. I hate that everyone I know knows everyone else, and there are always people watching you, waiting for you to fumble, fall, make a complete ass out of yourself, or do something scandalous. I hate that if I commit a serious crime, I’m probably going to get away with it because my friends know people or my family members know people who can wipe my slate clean. Which is not to say that my family is all-powerful and influential in this society. But we’re fairly bourgeoise. Which means that I’ll most likely get away with a lighter sentence than if someone with no connections and no influence got into the same sort of legal mess that I did.
In college, I would roll my eyes every time a professor talked how we all have the capability to end corruption and end poverty. BULLSHIT. Corruption and class division has been around since the Spanish era and it will continue to exist because that’s part of our culture. That’s who we are. It’s more convenient to collaborate with the conquerors. It’s more convenient to steal the taxpayers’ money and to kill off your enemies than to be honest about your votes and keep your paws off the cash. It’s more convenient to use your connections to get away with murder. And not only is it convenient–it fucking saves the family name as well. Which is not to say that I personally condone that. I despise corruption, I do. But once the average person is in a position of power, in a place where they can get away with anything, morality goes flying out the window and they cheat, steal, kill, and get away with it. I’m willing to bet any amount of money that there will be at least one person from my university who will turn out to be the kind of manipulative leech, despite the values that the Jesuits tried so very hard to instill in us. But I would probably lose that bet anyway because that person’s public-relations people will probably make him/her look like an all-around good guy, and the journalists who try to find out the truth about him will be murdered in no time.
I swore this to myself once and I’ll say it again–I will not marry a Filipino. It’s not a race thing, it’s a cultural thing. Because if I marry a Filipino then I’ll marry into his family–whose in-laws will probably look down on me because I’m not rich enough or sociable enough or pretty enough or for whatever reason associated not with who I am as a person, but the class or family I belong to–and I’ll marry into his connections, and I have to be nice to all these powerful people who can save my ass from jail and god knows what else. I have to retain a certain image to uphold the glory of the family name. I will not stand for that crap.
I want to live in a place where I’m completely anonymous, where family names and backgrounds don’t mean shit, and where people are valued for the work they do and their moral integrity instead of the number of powerful people they know. I want to live in a place where people couldn’t care less about what I do with my life, where people won’t gossip about my personal relationships and the people I’ve screwed over and the people who screwed me over.
I suppose some would say that I’m a horrible person for being aware that our country’s society is shit and instead of getting up and trying to change things, I want to get the hell out. I don’t feel like a horrible person, though. I’m not the asshole killing off political enemies, or stealing from the pork barrel. This is my reaction to the reality I see. Philippine society won’t change, at least not in my lifetime. And I want to live my life the way I want to instead of wasting my time fighting a losing battle.
*ducks flying tomatoes*
“Because if I marry a Filipino then I’ll marry into his family–whose in-laws will probably look down on me because I’m not rich enough or sociable enough or pretty enough or for whatever reason associated not with who I am as a person, but the class or family I belong to…”
Exchange class and family with race and age, and you have my relationship with Tammy. Had I married her, I would be marrying her family as you’ve said, and that’s not an appealing thought.
I’m sure you can find a place where you’re anonymous, and family names don’t mean anything, but I don’t know of any place that people are truly judged by moral integrity and not on the people they know. If you find one, let me know, and I’ll immigrate over there with ya.
The longer that I live in the states and the more countries I visit around the world, I find that the class politics of Manila aren’t foreign to other countries in the world, they’re just less obvious. In every country in the world, the elite act the exact same way as in Manila, who you know and how you look determine whether you will be accepted. Even in the lower classes, your ability to get ahead in life is determined by the same things. The only difference between Manila and industrialized nations is that there is a larger middle class with a higher standard of living. The gap between the rich and the poor is still extreme, but because of the middle class, that gap is hidden and only criticized in light of major disasters when the lower class is actually showcased and taken out of the shadows. While I can never see myself living in Manila again, because the society that I was raised in is too small, I find that it is not entirely different from anywhere else.
Good point. Still, I really can’t stand the fact that everyone seems to know everyone else here. It’s suffocating me.
It’s possible that many things will get worse in our lifetime worldwide due to peak oil, epidemics, global warming, destruction of natural resources, pollution, water depletion, war, and global economic collapse due to insolvency.
I do feel the same way about our country. It sucks and those profs are just hypocrites (like yah whatever as if they could end poverty and all).
I’ve written about this last year, you might be interested:
Christmas Balikbayan: Why Return?
…soon, the great rift will be between the blogs and the blogs-not
“I hate that everyone I know knows everyone else, and there are always people watching you, waiting for you to fumble, fall, make a complete ass out of yourself, or do something scandalous.” – i suppose you were being ironic seeing as your blog has lots of outgoing links on the sidebar.
cheers
Wish there’s such a place. Try Canada. Been living here for the last 30 years plus, and it’s somehow a much, much better experience that the first 20 plus of my Philippines experience. Though politicians are heaven and earth in comparisons, and people though individually are no difference than people anywhere, the law is very effectively enforced as deterent without much regards of who you are. The U.S. of A maybe despised by many, but in reality, you could never ask for a country that her people could be proud of and ready to stand and fight for her.
You are right. You should go away and get some experience. Get away from that seemingly sheltered life of yours. Get to know what the world is really like, first hand.
@lauren:
based on this post and what i read on your profile, you’ll most definitely thrive in california.
@vic:
my global business professor told me that though americans dislike and criticize the US government and politicians, other countries actually ENVY (yes, that’s the right word) them. they envy the US’ institutions, rule of law, professionalism, meritocracy.
@realist:
all places, whether the philippines or US of A have their own set of challenges and hardships. it all depends on what game you want to play. if someone can’t or doesn’t want to play by philippine rules, they’re free to choose a different game with a different set of rules. it is their prerogative.
You’ve said it ALL and guess what? I COMPLETELY AGREE with you! I say f***k nationalism!
filipinos are victim of spain, america, japan, china, the IMF, WB, other selfish institutions, and many self-interested and egoistic industrialized countries.
judging filipinos is unfair. we may have bad things happening in out contry but its not different to other countries too. It just happened that other rich countries had started ahead and got the rare chances.
you just wait when our country will emerge as a power with our “political messiah coming”…
but most of all, we’re proud to have faith in our Lord Jesus Christ where most of the rich countries do not have.
To Filipinos, its a challenge. To our abusers above, atckers, critics, and “rapists” of our resources and opportunities, May our God forgive you..
God bless us all also..
I’m not proud that more than half of the people in our country subscribe to a lot of Catholic dogma. I think the closed-mindedness of most religious people is partly why we’re still stuck in the rut we’re in right now.
ang tapang mo naman.
i like you.hehe
try living here in Japan. ibang iba sa pinas.
malinis.hi-tech.people follow rules,rules protect people.blah.blah.blah.
(darn.i cant wait to go home-gusto ko nang umuwi ng pinas)
come to australia! the only thing anyone cares about your name is whether it sounds gay when you get married. but then you can always keep your own name.
well, nice one. a person who wants freedom.
yah and that is just one of the filipino cultures here. but why look at the negative side where there are plenty of beautiful things to look up too. and for me, its upon to the person to live his/her life happily, the way how he/she manage to live with it any else where he/she may live.
When I first moved here in Seattle I was glad I was out of the Philippines. I hated the collectivist attitude that Philippines inherited from the Chinese, in contrast with the western culture of individualism. After a few years of Filipino culture bashing people resented me, my friends avoided me and nobody wanted to talk to me. Maybe nobody wants to associate themselves with someone who hates their own country. I felt the same about Philippines like you do but I’ve change. Have you heard of the saying “one who doesn’t look back on their roots will never get anywhere?”