laurganism.com |

So this is what it’s like to get your heart broken.

It hurts like nothing I’ve felt before.

I’ve been screwed over, yes, but that’s entirely different. See, only assholes screw. At the very start of things, I know when the person I’m dealing with is a jerk and I can tell when his innate assholeness will bring me nothing but trouble later on.

But heartbreak…in order to get your heart broken, you first have to trust someone enough to allow yourself to be put in a vulnerable position. You take the risk of opening yourself up, aware of the possibility that your heart may get trampled on, but also of the chance that you will escape this limbo in one piece and live happily ever after with the man of your desires and your fantasies.

What hurts the most about getting your heart broken is not the pain per se, or the events that led up to the said heartbreak. It’s the rude awakening from the most peaceful sleep you’ve had in years, the disillusionment of watching a beautiful dream fade and fall apart to reveal the stark ugliness of the reality you live in. It’s the despair that comes with the knowledge that you have risked so much and revelaed the most sacred, intimate parts of yourself, only to fail to attain what you were after.

Tonight, I shall throw out any plans of getting any schoolwork done, smoke myself to an asthma attack, and drink myself to sleep.

Tomorrow, I will wake up a very bitter and jaded woman with the biggest eyebags on the planet.

EDIT: Bati na kami. :p And I have monster eyebags from all that crying. Wahoo.