The Five Stages of Accepting Death or Catastrophic News
Posted by Lauren | Under Random Thoughts with 14,898 views Saturday Sep 2, 2006My parents have been on my case about my smoking ever since they stepped into my room one evening and inhaled the cloying stench of Gudang wafting in the air. They’ve known that I’ve been smoking for years now but each time they caught me, I made some lame promise about I’m going to stop. Since then, my parents and I have grown up a lot and now they no longer yell at me for my nicotine addiction. They’re more concerned about my health because I don’t exactly have the strongest lungs in the world. When I was a child, I would always get these really horrible asthma attacks that inevitably ended up with me in the hospital getting steroids pumped into my system. Now that I’m about to graduate from college, my mom in particular is very worried that my asthma will recur and I’ll die. Or worse, end up in the hospital with millions worth of hospital bills to pay.
So this afternoon, my mom and I finally got around to having The Smoking Talk. At first, I was in a very chipper mood because I just woke up from 12 hours of sweet, uninterrupted sleep. However, my mood turned a little sour when the late lunch conversation finally turned towards Why I Should Quit Smoking.
Denial
“Just because I smoke doesn’t mean I have a problem,” I protested. I’d been saving up that line for some time in the hopes that it would convince my mom that hey–I’m a functional human being. Cigarettes isn’t keeping me from doing my schoolwork, KATIPUNAN work, or writing. In fact, it calms me down and puts me in a better, more productive state of mind.
“That’s not my point,” my mom said, and she went on and on about my health.
Anger
I wasn’t angry so much as irritated. Why can’t she understand that smoking is pretty much the only damn thing that can calm me down during stressful moments, happy moments, and social moments?
Bargaining
“When are you going to stop smoking?” my mom asked.
“When I’m thirty,” I replied immediately. “I read in an article somewhere that if I quit by the time I’m thirty, I can reduce the harmful long-term effects of smoking.”
“Don’t listen to that,” she said. “Those people who wrote that article probably don’t have a history of asthma like you do.”
I paused. “Okay. Make that when I’m twenty-five.”
“How about when you’re twenty-one?”
“But Moooooom!” I wailed. “That’s six months away!”
Depression
At this point in the conversation, I started to long for a cigarette. Will I get to smoke one at any point during this day? This conversation is really stressing me out.
And what if my mom does have a point? What if I really am dying inside, and the only thing that can save my life is kicking my nicotine habit?
Noooooooooo!
Acceptance
After some more talking and arguing and me trying to convince mom why she should just let me smoke (which didn’t work), we both agreed that I’m going to get my lungs checked. Not just get an x-ray, but have an appointment with a lung specialist and see if there’s anything wrong with my lungs and ask for advice about what to do if I get another asthma attack again.
I sure hope my lungs check out okay. I’m far from ready to smoke my last stick. Cigarettes are more than just cigarettes to me; no matter how shitty life gets, I’m always assured that they’ll me there to sedate me and help me get through the day. I don’t intend on smoking forever, and I really do plan on quitting when I’m thirty. But not while I’m suffering from a lot of existential angst and about to enter the real world naked and unprepared.
I wonder if my mom will ever reach the stage of acceptance any time soon. Maybe I should accept that she never will. She is my mother after all.
There’s got to be something healthier to get you through these times. It sounds like you’re fully addicted, and I doubt that if you feel this way about cigarettes you’ll be able to quit later just because you’re turning 30. You need something else good in your life that can replace the cigarettes, that can be healthier and more satisfying escape from life’s troubles. Unfortunately I don’t know what that is. You don’t need cigarettes, you just need someone to hold your hand and tell you it will be all right.
Smoking is bad for you, i should know i work in the health care industry. I tried smoking once but i never got addicted like my friends did, it still boggles me how i just said no after one smoke. i think if you can quit smoking for three days straight you’ve made it past the hardest part about cold turkey. so what if your friends smoke, if they do just go somewhere else so you don’t get enticed to do the same thing. people will still respect you if you are trying to quit and won’t try to offer you one if you are serious. another reason why smoking is bad; my grandfather died of lung cancer because he couldn’t stop smoking. i’m not going to repeat the cycle, i’d rather make a better example instead. so anyways i’m on your parents side when it comes to quitting smoking it really isn’t good for you. but since it’s your life you can do whatever you want, all we can offer is advice and guidance to other people because we are just concerned.
Spoken (written) like a true smoker. i’ve articulated those very arguments many times before and i’m still smoking. i even add “i can’t write when i don’t smoke” hehehe baka magalit mommy at daddy mo sa akin.
You know… dying from cancer is one of the nastiest ways to die. your body being eaten up by cancer until your skin hangs off your body and you see things that arent there.
that’s how my grandmother died of lung cancer and it totally fucked me up. not that this story will matter to you because these are just cold words – you didn’t see it, you didn’t live through it, and so i doubt these words will even effect you.
but all a cancer is, is a cell that’s gone beserk and can’t fix itself. that could happen after 1 cigarette, or after 1000 cigarettes, or maybe never at all…
but is the risk worth it to you?
just happened to go over your blog, after a long time and came across this. and i identify with the asthma, smoking part. Used to have severe asthma attacks, and had to take betnesol and deriphylline shots, in fact, used to inject them myself. after smoking for years – well, 4 years, from 1997-2001, i finally decided to quit. took me 2 tries – the first time, i went down from 2 packs/day to half a pack and then 0, but went back to cigs after a month, the second time was more planned withdrawal, and have been off them since. used to smoke because it did take teh stress off between study and work. after 2001, i’ve had few asthma attacks.. maybe less than 10. but a little less painful than earlier.
the thing is, you know it might affect you adversely in the long run. When you feel it does and want to let go, work hard towards doing it, and keeping it permanent. Parents will be fussy – it is their job. but nothing better than self-knowledge.
Smoking is bad for you but stress and depression can be just as fatal in the long run.
I gave up about a year ago but the feeling of wanting one every now and again doesnt ever go away.
Life is too short to stress about giving up, either do it or dont, you’ll die eventually anyway. Aslong as you enjoy the trip what else is there?
I used to smoke a lot, and my parents didn’t know about it – until now. LOL! I was once caught but they didn’t say anything about it, so I went on. It added comfort whenever I’m stressed or tensed.
What made me quit? When I got pregnant! No one told me to. But I knew that was the right thing to do for my baby… Until now, I haven’t smoked a pack, puff lang pag nate-tempt. ;-)
Hala baka magalit sa akin si Mommy mo pag nabasa nya ito. I’m not saying that you should get pregnant ha? LOL!
Nothing is sexier than a woman not smoking, naked.
Smoking is actually the leading cause of death, followed by poor diet and lack of exercise. You stand a greater chance of dying from smoking than getting hit by a bus or dying in a car crash.