MussoLOLen is Always Right! |

I didn’t make it to the Dumaguete National Writers’ Workshop. It was a little expected, considering that I’ve only begun writing fiction last December and have had no professional training whatsoever. Still, the rejection came this close to breaking my fragile writers’ ego. What I’m particularly miffed about is that the bastards didn’t even bother to notify me through email or text. I had to find it out the hard and painful way – looking up the list of accepted fellows at the website and realizing with a sinking heart that my name wasn’t there. I also happened to note that this pretentious (assholey) person I know made it to the workshop, which made my rejection all the more painful

The crushing blow of my defeat made me swear off writing for the rest of the summer. Not that that’s going to be difficult to do. Instead of spending the last month starting the novel that would change the course of Philippine literature, I wasted my time on the Internet and other similar things that ultimately culminated in brain suicide.

“What do you think went wrong?” Pat asked me after I told him the news.

I shrugged listlessly and responded, “I suck.” And then I declared my intention to not write a word of fiction for a while.

Instead of trying to comfort me with cliches (never give up on your dream, you can always do better, etc. etc.), he told me to take my time. Any form of defeat hurts and it will take a while for me to get over it and get on with writing. See, that’s why I love this guy. He skips the lectures and moves on to saying the right things at the right time.

Since my ego still needed some more validation, I saw some of my writer friends the next evening and told them that I failed to make it to the workshop.

“Eh. Don’t worry about it,” my friend Pam said. “Writing workshops seem to be a space for all the pretentious people to go in and assure themselves that there isn’t too much competition, for one. Or to stroke each other’s egos.”

Hearing that made me feel so much better about being a National Writers Workshop Reject. I mean, come on. My rejection actually makes me better than all the other writers who made it into the workshop!

On the other hand, I’d probably think more along the lines of, “you’re just jealous” if I had made it to the workshop and some random person had told me that. Not that I’d deny the accusation. I need to some ego-stroking, damnit. I want writers of note to tell me that I’m good and that I have a brilliant future ahead of me. I want professionals to correct my mistakes and teach me discipline. Why else would I have applied to the damn thing in the first place?

Obviously I still feel quite bitter about being rejected and will be spending the rest of the summer playing Suikoden V and doing other non-writerly things. Sure, I will get back to writing eventually. Maybe a few years from now, I’ll kick everyone’s asses with the novel that will change the course of Philippine literature. But today, I just want to waste away in the living room and get boiled alive by the summer heat.